Remember you are half water.

“I can’t explain myself, I’m afraid, Sir, because I’m not myself you see.” – Alice in Wonderland

I’m unhappy in England. And by my own rule, since I’m dissatisfied with the situation, I should change it or deal with it. Although I’m trying to be positive about the situation and find things to do, I’m finding it difficult being here. Even though the weather has brightened up and I’m keeping myself somewhat occupied, I feel despondent.

I found rather cheap tickets (considering) to Sydney today for June. I want to book them, so I can get on with my life and get out of this limbo right now. Right now, although I can somewhat occupy myself from day-to-day, I can’t live like that. I have nothing to look forward to. I’m in a stalemate. I don’t want to begin my teaching degree this Autumn. It’s not that I don’t want to be a proper teacher, it’s just that I don’t want to go back into ‘the system’ (for want of a better word) just yet. And I have it set in my mind that I’m going to do it next year. This year was for me to go to Australia and see New Zealand from there and maybe even take another trip so I can get on with this 30by30 thing. But right now, I feel tethered, like I can’t book my tickets for June. And in not being able to do that, I feel, and this sounds ridiculous, hopeless.

I’m stuck in a rut, and it looks like I’m not moving at all and that is no way to be happy. I don’t think some people understand that.

I’m not running away from anything, or to anything. I’m not running at all in fact.

I’m just trying to find my way to happiness.

Water does not resist. Water flows. When you plunge your hand into it, all you feel is a caress. Water is not a solid wall, it will not stop you. But water always goes where it wants to go, and nothing in the end can stand against it. Water i patient. Dripping water wears away a stone. Remember that, my child. Remember you are half water. If you can’t go through an obstacle, go around it. Water does. – Margaret Atwood (The Penelopiad)